


If You're Calling About My Heart, It's Still Yours

by past piginawig (orphan_account)



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3569081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/past%20piginawig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been years, and Connor and Jude are still just best friends. Will things change when Jude goes on his first date?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You're Calling About My Heart, It's Still Yours

**Author's Note:**

> ps i am stevensadamsfoster on tumblr

“Are you gonna finish that?”

“Seriously?” Jude asked incredulously. Connor had just polished off his own burger, and was now eying Jude’s.

“I’m a growing boy, Jude. I need sustenance.”

“Okay,” Jude said. “Then buy your own sustenance and leave mine alone.”

Connor grinned. “That reminds me, actually. What are you doing for dinner tomorrow?”

Jude’s face fell slightly, and Connor’s grin disappeared. “What?”

“I have a question to ask you, actually,” Jude said, breaking the silence that had settled between them. Connor raised his eyebrows. “Would it be weird if I talked to you about guys? Like, guys I may be interested in?”

There was a beat of silence in which Connor’s heart leapt into his throat. “Um, no. That’s fine. I mean, I talk to you about girls.”

“Well yeah, it’s just,” Jude paused. He looked his best friend over, trying to determine if he was genuinely okay with talking about it. “It’s different. I don’t want to make things weird between us.”

“That’s not going to happen with us, Jude. You’re my best friend and I’ve never cared either way. What does that have to do with tomorrow night?”

Jude turned away from Connor and Connor felt his stomach drop. He’d been dreading this moment since the beginning of the school year. Jude had gone on vacation with his family for a month, and when he’d returned, he was a different person. On the outside, at least. Connor knew he was the same dork he’d been friends with for four years, but he was terrified that people at school might start noticing Jude. He realized, though, in that moment, that someone had finally noticed what Connor had seen all along.

“I have a date,” Jude finally announced.

“Oh,” Connor heard himself say. “With who?”

Jude’s cheeks turned pink and Connor felt nauseous. “With Christian. Y’know, from Pre-cal. Apparently he’s bi. He’s been talking to me for about a month or so, and I thought he was just being friendly, but then he asked me out this afternoon.”

“Oh,” Connor repeated. “Well, I have a date, too. With Chelsea.”

Jude frowned for a minute and then nodded.

Connor jumped up from the bench and waved to Jude without looking. “Well, I’ll see you Monday.”

As he walked away, he pulled his phone out, opening a message to Chelsea. _Wanna go out tomorrow nite??_

 

Connor sat that night in his room, attempting to do homework, when his phone went off. He picked it up, seeing the text was an invite to a party, and put it back down again. Any other night, he would’ve been game to attend a party, get drunk, and bring a random girl home, making sure his dad saw her as he snuck her out the next morning. But Connor couldn’t shake his conversation with Jude. It reminded him too much of another conversation with Jude, when they were fourteen years old.

_“I’m going to come out at school,” Jude announced suddenly. Connor looked over at him, jaw dropped._

_“What?”_

_Jude paused the video game they were playing, Connor’s attention obviously elsewhere._

_“I’m going to tell Taylor that I’m gay, and I’m going to tell her to tell everyone. I just think people should know who I am.”_

_Connor’s heart rapidly pounded in his chest. “No, Jude, that’s not something everyone at school should know. What’s going to happen if my dad finds out?”_

_Jude’s face fell. “Connor…”_

_“Don’t tell people, Jude, please. Keep it between us. My dad can’t find out.”_

_Connor felt his hands start to sweat, and his ears began buzzing. He couldn’t think straight and he needed Jude to understand that coming out was not a good idea._

_“Connor,” Jude began quietly. He reached out and took Connor’s hand in his own. Connor’s breath hitched and he stared at their joined hands. “Are you sure we’re talking about me?”_

_Connor wrenched his hand away._

_“Sorry, I just-”_

_“I’m not gay,” Connor whispered._

_“Okay,” Jude said, just as quietly._

_“I’m not,” Connor repeated, shaking his head._

Jude had waited to come out for almost six months after they’d had that conversation. When he finally did, he did so without telling Connor in advance, leaving Connor to find out from his friends on the baseball team.

_“So,” Connor hissed, sitting next to Jude on their bench. “I hear you’re gay.”_

_“Connor…” Jude sighed._

_Connor shook his head angrily. “I can’t believe you did this to me. My dad’s never going to let us hang out anymore.”_

_“Do you really think with the amount of girls you date your dad is going to care if you have one gay friend? He doesn’t care that my moms are gay!”_

_“But he cares if I’m gay,” Connor argued._

_“Are you?” Jude countered, voice rising._

_“I- what?”_

_“Are you gay?” Jude asked bluntly, ignoring the way Connor winced at the words._

_“You- you know I’m not, Jude,” Connor said._

_Jude glanced around the courtyard to make sure no one was around before placing his hand on Connor’s cheek._

_“What are you-”_

_Jude cut off Connor’s question, leaning forward and pressing his lips against Connor’s. For a moment neither of them moved, and then suddenly Connor’s hand trailed up Jude’s arm, over his shoulder and coming to rest behind his neck. Jude pulled back, just a breath between their lips, and waited for Connor, who connected their lips again, letting his hand drift through Jude’s hair. It was a soft kiss, slow, and Jude was the first to pull back._

_Connor had a dazed expression, eyes glazed and cheeks pink. He was breathing heavily and his heart pounded. He watched as Jude stood up, seemingly unaffected._

_“We don’t have to ever bring this up again. But if you ever want to stop pretending, come talk to me, okay?”_

Connor tossed and turned as he tried to sleep, picturing Jude on a date with Christian. He stared blankly at the ceiling, clenching and unclenching his fists in anger - at himself, at his father, at Christian for only noticing Jude now, when Jude’s been perfect and right under his nose for years.

He reached over to his night stand suddenly, picking up his phone and sending out a text message.

_What are you doing?_

_It’s two in the morning, what do you think I’m doing?_

_Obviously not sleeping…_

_I’m not doing anything, why?_

_Meet me at the bench?_

There was a few minutes pause before Jude responded a simple _OK_. Connor jumped out of bed, throwing on the same clothes he wore to school and grabbing his keys, wallet, and phone. He rushed out the bedroom door and through the house, not bothering to tell his dad where he was going.

The short ten minute ride seemed to take hours in Connor’s mind, and Jude was already sitting on the bench when he arrived.

Jude glanced up as Connor came running toward him, out of breath and wide eyed.

“Connor, what’s the matter?”

“Don’t go out with Christian,” Connor said loudly.

Jude frowned. “What?”

“I don’t wanna do this anymore, Jude,” he said, defeated. “I don’t want to keep pretending that I like girls, and pretending that I’m okay with you going out with someone that’s not me.”

“Connor, I-”

“I don’t want to keep pretending I’m not in love with you.”

“Connor-”

“Please don’t go out with him, Jude.”

“You know I won’t be anyone’s secret, Connor,” Jude said quietly. “You know that.”

“I know that. And I’ll tell everyone. I’ll hold your hand in the hallway and I’ll kiss you at your locker and I’ll take you on dates every weekend and-”

“I love you,” Jude interrupted, his voice quiet but sure. Connor’s ramble stopped immediately, and a smile lit up his face.

“Yeah?”

Jude grinned. “Yeah.”

Connor, smile still on his face, reached out and grabbed Jude’s shirt, pulling him close so that their bodies were pressed together. He leaned forward, their noses brushing together, and whispered, “I’m gay.”

And Connor could feel the smile against his lips when Jude leaned in and kissed him.


End file.
